i miss home; goals; being uncomfortable

my previous week was such a downhill. i hated it here. i do not enjoy the coldness of my surroundings, meaning the weather and the ambience. every time i face time my loved ones back home, i would mention all the things i dislike about this place, and by all i mean every small detail i find not pleasing to me. but i guess it has nothing to do with this place, really. it was and is just me being extremely homesick. i miss home. it is embarrassing to admit this as an 18 year old, but yeah, i do miss home. very much!

last week, i spent most of my time crying and mulling over the sadness of me being alone in this place. it wasn't a really productive week. it was upsetting and got me deep into my feels. and i was there to fertilise my sad emotions. up to a point where i was just waking myself up. 'hey! you are here to obtain knowledge. to learn. so stop complaining and get your ass off to work.' i still do feel pretty lonely here. and maybe that is mainly because i do not enjoy all the 'entertainment' and 'fun stuffs' the university kids do here such as consuming too much alcohol, partying or as they call 'socialising' (which i will make a post about that in the future since i very much disagree), and being drunk. however, i am not going to talk about how they find their entertainment here. i still do have my own style of entertainment which may sound boring to most people but i do enjoy doing them, such as going to the library and read books about poems women wrote back in the 18th century, or how to create a film, or some children picture books, or jacqueline wilson's novels. i also enjoy watching movies from the 80s and 90s in my dorm room while eating rice krispies. and sometimes continuing my language learning journey hehe...

so i guess it isn't totally bad here. i have loads of time to write and focus on my studies. i may not be the most social person, but i guess i just have a different definition of socialising compared to friends here. last week, those facts brought me down. this week, i will not let it bring me down.

so i compiled a list of things i need to accomplish here. my goals, basically. one of them being to complete reading the bible before my 19th birthday, which is in march. i still got a long way to go for that. i also need to watch all the movies i need to watch while being 18 hehee... and i have some language learning goals i want to continue. and most importantly, i want to win nanowrimo this year. and by winning i mean, completing my word count goal for this year's nanowrimo. i will begin on another novel (yes, another one. i am never satisfied with my previous ones, people. so let me just write another one.) which word count is 50,000 words. (note that these are the non-academic goals)

having a goal in mind gets me going. it provides me a purpose to live each day. it motivates me to do better. and mulling over my sadness isn't going to get me anywhere. so i need to get up and get going. 

this studying abroad experience is very uncomfortable for me. and as my lecturer says, 'your learning experience should make you feel uncomfortable and scared, because it will be difficult.', i believe that this is a learning experience that is uncomfortable and scary and difficult. but that is all because it is pushing me out of my comfort zone. and it will be a learning process i can look back to and reflect on. 

cheers! :)

with much love,

ennik xoxo